Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
