i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
