my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
