It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
