You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
