Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
