When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
