i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize