Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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