My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
