It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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