ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
3 2 1 whiskey
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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