he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
