May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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