Rock
Scissors
Fuck
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
