We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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