HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
