His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
