I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
