just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize