I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So many bounce houses so little time
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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