oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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