Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
