I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
