grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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