i barfeds in our rink
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
two words...techno handjob
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
