Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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