@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
