i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
