Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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