I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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