Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
