Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
