I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
