i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
