I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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