So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
