apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Bring me that man meat
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
