Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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