I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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