He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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