Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
