Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
