Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
