you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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