I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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