I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize