Dude my mom stole all your condoms
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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