I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
