You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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