i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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