I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize