I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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