Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
