they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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