Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
