I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize