we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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