I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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