I hope mine doesn't look like that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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