is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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