My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
