I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize