HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
