will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
