dude i'm inner monologue high
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
