Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
