You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
