last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
