Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize