So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
