if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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