He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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