So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
