I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
